Hole in My Heart
by sapphireeyes555578
Summary: Hermione doesn't feel for Severus but he does. Can he help discover what's missing in her heart? HG/SS M for later chaps
1. Graduation

**A/n: So this is just an attempt at another HG/SS story. I may or may not continue with it, just let me know what you think.**** (Warning: some of my logic may not make sense right away.)**** Oh, and I stole the title from a song I like by Taylor Swift.**

Hermione chewed on the end of her pen waiting for the yearbooks to be passed out. Because of Voldemort's defeat they found no reason for there not to be year books, and so they were passing them out right now.

Nobody understood what was troubling her, they didn't understand why she was so distraught.

Sure, she was brilliant-everybody knew that, but for some reason she felt...empty, like something was missing. She just couldn't put her finger on it. It's not like she was a virgin or had never had a boyfriend before, Harry had taken care of the virginity and Ron had taken care of the boyfriend part. She still felt like she had missed out on something she desperatly wanted.

In every year book she recieved Hermione wrote variations of, "Hope you remember this last year as a good one -Hermione." Except when she recieved Harry or Ron's in them she wrote, "Thanks for the new experiences, I love you guys! -Hermione," with a little winking smiley face at the end.

When they were told the signing-of-the-yearbooks period was over everybody recieved their books and left to their next class.

'_Today's the last day I'll have to enter that damned potions hell. I just have to make it through this one class, then go to my doors and ready for the seventh yearer's dance._' Hermione thought to herself, trying to keep her hopes up.

She walked into the foul classroom and took her seat, remembering every moment she had in this classroom. She was almost sad that she was leaving this class, _almost_.

"Good afternoon class." Severus grumbled as he walked from his private chambers. All of the students stayed quiet and intent. They really didn't want to get detention on the last day.

"Considering all of you are eager to be rid of this class I have decided to do a potion that may or may not be fun to you," Severus took in a shaky breath, "We will be making a felix fecies potion. Can anybody tell me what this particular potion does or is?"

Hermione's hand immediately shot up, "It's a luck potion, it causes confidence and a sense of oppertunity but is deadly in large amounts. This particular potion is desperatly tricky to make and disasterous to get wrong."

"Correct, now if you'll excuse me I need to retrieve some ingredients from the back. Please do try not to wet yourselves from excitment." Severus chuckled seeing how the boys were getting excited about what the potion could bring them.

"Know-it-all mud blood." Draco snickered loudly. Hermione held her breath and tried not to react.

"Maybe if you took enough you could get laid; you poor, poor mud blooded virgin." Draco whispered.

That teared it. Hermion shot out of her chair and walked over to Draco. She grabbed him by the shirt collar and pushed him hard against the wall, lifting him a foot into the air.

"You listen here you ferret, I am tired of your shit." Hermione hissed. She pulled out her wand and pressed it into the skin of his neck.

"Miss Granger, it would be best in your intrest if you put Mister Malfoy down." Severus bellowed.

"And for your information I am _not _a virgin." Hermione hissed in a whisper as she threw him hard to the floor.

Hermione turned on her heel and walked back to her seat.

"I'll be seeing you in detention." Severus whispered to Hermione as the rest of the class began to start their potion.

€

After about 45 minutes the class had finished their potions and were leaving to put their year books in their rooms and get ready to get ready for the dance.

Hermione walked glumly to the potions class and stood waiting. Soon Severus walked into the room and stared at the girl...or woman.

"So what's my detention Professor, let's just get it over with." Hermione sighed sitting down in a chair waiting for him to answer.

Instead of answering verbally Severus walked into his chambers and came back with Hermione's year book.

"Where'd you get that?!" Hermione asked with a very shocked expression.

"Miss Weasley," Severus stated simply, "I wrote something in there, do not read it until tomorrow."

"Yes sir, but is that all?" Hermione asked dumbfounded.

"No stand up and come here." Hermione obeyed and walked over to him.

Severus smiled down at the girl.

"I wish you the best in all that you do." Severus whispered.

"And I you." Hermione whispered suddenly feeling not the slightest bit rude.

"You're going to be late for the dance." Severus chuckled as he turned Hermione's robes into an elegant dress.

"Really? Thank you so much!" Hermione chimed as she gave him a brisk hug and ran out the doors to where the dance was being hosted.

Severus rubbed his temples and walked into his chambers.

"I need a drink," he said to himself.

€

As Hermione packed her bags she began to feel sad about leaving her only home. She wasn't sure where to go, concidering her parents had been killed. She was wrapped up in her thoughts when she remembered her year book. When she decided she had a while before she had to go to the train station she opened the book.

Almost every one said something like, "Have a great rest-of-your-life." Very unsincere in her oppinion. Harry and Ron signed, "I'll never forget you Hermione, come visit at the burrow whenever. Love from your friends." She flipped through the pages looking at the faces drawn on the pages of her yearbook then stopped as she got to the teachers section.

There in large print next to Professor Snape's picture said, "Sometimes you forget to show it. Sometimes it doesn't seem to be there. Sometimes it's as if it doesn't excist. But it always shows, it's always there, and it exists. Stay _beautiful_." Hermione's jaw fell open when she realized this was Severus' handwriting and not a joke.

This was so weird, Hermione thought it better to keep it a secret. And with that she closed the book, put a spell on it so that it would never open to that page without a password and the rythem of her wand on it's spine.

Hermione silently tucked the book away in her bag and ran to Ron and Harry and began to walk to the train station with them. So many things were rolling her mind at that moment especially the voice of Severus saying, "you're beautiful," over and over.

**A/n: The spell check on this thing is broken again! ( It's really getting to me. So if things are misspelt, I'm sorry.**


	2. Night Club Horror

**A/n: Thanks for the encouragement, as long as I get reviews and encouragement I will continue with this story. I do understand that they might be out of character at times but I don't really care!**

Last time:  
Hermione silently tucked the book into her bag and ran to Ron and Harry and began walking to the train station with them. So many things rolling through her mind at that moment especially the voice of Severus saying, "you're beautiful," over and over again.

Now:  
It has been 3 years since Hermione's graduation-more or less. She had basically pushed everything about Severus and that yearbook out of her mind. It's not like she liked him, so why would she want to cling to that memory?

Despite the fact that she had matured, become more happy and confident she still felt...empty. She tried to fill the space with friends and family-or close enough. It seemed like the emptiness disappeared, or at least shrank in size, and wasn't coming back. _Until, _she saw somebody who changed that all...

She was laying in the living room of their _**large **_apartment with Ginny and Uo. Uo is a friend they had, then later moved in with, when they moved to muggle London. They had actually gone to school with her but for some reason didn't notice the quirky girl.

"Things with Hair-ball didn't work out?" Uo asked. She referred Harry as Hair-ball because of his attitude he had now adays.

"Yeah he's turning into the old version of Draco and the worry-wart side of Ron. He's simply and utterly obnoxious." Ginny explained as she took a swig of her soda.

Hermione was cracking her gum loudly, she hated when they talked about boys. Uo _always _had a boy drooling over her and she had a new boyfriend every other week, at least. Ginny had recently broken it off with Harry after his attitude had changed and she was now fooling around with random guys, her age or not. Sadly, no guy had taken a second glance at Hermione-ever. Probably because the way she dressed and hid behind her more outgoing friends.

"I got an idea!" Uo said with bad grammar like always. Both of the girls immediately became attentive. Uo smirked at how she had gotten their attention with one short, improper fraze.

"Let's go clubbing!" Uo chirped. She would much rather have a girls night _out _rather than in.

"I don't know Uo..." Hermione whispered.

"C'mon! It'll be fun!" Ginny whined.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!" Uo and Ginny pleaded in unison. Hermione gave in, signaling they had won with a sigh.

The other girls ran into Uo's closet for proper club wear, considering Uo's motto was 'less is more' **(Charmen!) **and she dressed the best between Hermione and Ginny put together.

"Okay, Gin this is what you are gonna wear." Uo stated pulling out an outfit.

Ginny put it on without complaints and was amazed. The pale pink shirt matched the pink miniskirt perfectly. The necklace that she put on was silver and tied the pink and silver heels into the outfit perfectly. Uo then did her hair in a wild and messy ponytail, leaving half of her bangs on one side. She then straitened her hair and Ginny glowed at her transformation.

"Wow..." Ginny exhaled.

"Yeah, I'm good." Uo laughed. Hermione smiled but knew she couldn't pull that off.

"Ready Mione, this is what your gonna wear." Uo chimed pulling out another outfit with careful choosing.

Hermione sighed but thought she'd give them a kick out of how ugly it would look on her.

She slipped into a pair of black booty shorts with a silver chained belt. She then put on a black top with only one sleeve that stopped right above her belly button, showing off the piercing she got on a whim. She then put on a pair of black heels and a black beaded necklace.

"You look gorgeous," Uo smiled, "now onto your hair."

Uo pulled out her _ultra-strength professional_ straightener and water in a spray bottle.

"Time to tackle those curls." Uo smirked. Hermione smiled at this statement and relaxed realizing she was in good hands.

Uo straightened Hermione's hair with profession and did it perfectly. There wasn't a curl in sight and her hair was about an inch longer because of it. When she was about done she sprayed her with extra-strength hair spray and smiled.

"Beautiful..." Ginny, Hermione, and Uo whispered in unison.

Uo threw on a jean miniskirt that had a rip up the thigh and something along the lines of a red bikini top, some matching heels and she was ready.

Uo put a pale pink eye shadow on Ginny and a clear candy-flavored lip gloss. On Hermione she put light ash colored eyeshadow and clear candy-flavored lip gloss with black glitter. She then put red lipstick on herself and blotted then put a light red eyeshadow. She put mascara and eyeliner on them all and they drove to a loud club three blocks away, far enough so nobody would know them but close enough that they could stumble home.

"Ready?" Uo asked her two nervous friends. They nodded and stepped into the club.

The bass of the music rumbled inside Hermione and gave her butterflies. There were flashing lights everywhere, the smell of sweat and spilled drinks filling the air, and dozens of bodies grinding on each other. The three went to a table and got drinks. As soon as they sat down Uo was immediately grabbed to dance. They wouldn't be seeing her much for the rest of the night.

"It's okay Hermione, you'll get used to it." Ginny laughed as her friend started to quiver when some body's arm brushed across her shoulder as they danced past.

"I don't think so." Hermione smiled halfheartedly.

Hermione had only been talking to Ginny for a few minutes when a particularly gorgeous man asked her for a dance. Ginny winked at Hermione and headed to the dance floor with her partner. Hermione was alone; alone, bored, and single. A deadly combination when mixed with alcohol.

After about six more shots of whiskey she was free spirited and had let her guard drop. Hermione pushed her way through the crowd and grabbed a guy out of random and began to dance with him to the beat, a little too close than she should have. Soon all of the guys began aroused and were grabbing her and passing her around like a game of hot potato. The only difference is they defiantly didn't want to let go of that hot potato.

"Hermione what in the world are you doing?" Uo and Ginny hissed her her ears.

"Oh come on you guys, live a little!" Hermione said with a laugh.

"Are you waisted?" Uo asked.

"No, I just drank enough to get me to let my guard down, I'm perfectly sober..." Hermione sighed, "Don't worry, I'll be fine!" Her friends laughed, complete trust in her.

As they danced with guy after guy the girls became more and more loose.

Soon Ginny and Uo left Hermione to watch her. They watched as Hermione danced with a guy who had been intriguing her all night.

"No. It. Can't. Be." Ginny gasped between hyperventilating breaths.

"What, oh-my-god are you okay?" Uo asked. Ginny lifted a shaky finger and pointed at a figure.

There in black jeans and a black T-shirt was none other than their past potions professor. He was heading over to Hermione with perfect poise and posture as the song changed to a slow song. He touched her back slightly.

"Kinda bus-" Hermione cut herself off when she saw her potions professor.

"S-S...P-P..." Hermione stuttered. He smirked lightly in the darkness.

"May I cut in?" he asked. Not waiting for an answer, he pulled Hermione away from the crowd.

Hermione felt his cool, yet warming, hands place themselves on her lower back as he danced slowly with her. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, although he was still a good size taller than her she felt comfortable. As the song dragged on Hermione stepped closer to him, feeling the heat of his body.

"Severus...I..." Hermione whispered. She figured now that she was out of school it was appropriate to call him by his first name.

"Shh..." Severus hushed as he smiled a the girl.

Hermione then looked into his eyes and noticed that they weren't holding the coldness they normally would. She would usually hate to make eye contact with him but now...she couldn't look away.

Eventually she noticed what was happening, she was starting to fall for him. She shook her head and pulled away, trying not to let the music and sent of spilled drinks intoxicate her.

"I have to go..." Hermione whispered as her eyes filled with tears.

"No, wait, Hermione." Severus pleaded as he reached for her arm. She began to cry.

"Please, I have to go. Let go of me!" Hermione cried as she yanked away. She ran toward the door with a second look back she sighed at the sight of the confused Severus.

**_Severus' P.O.V._**

I stood there and I watched.

I stood there and I watched as the only girl I had ever loved with my whole being runs away from me with tears streaming down her cheeks. As if I was something that she wanted so bad but didn't want herself to want it. So I still stand here, watching and wishing that my feet would move. Should I run after her, call her name, break out in tears? I don't know.

I love that girl, with everything I have ever felt. My stone heart is breaking as I stand here. Watching and hoping she'll turn back around. One quick glance and she slips gracefully out of the closing doors.

My throat closes off as I try to cry but my body refuses. I haven't cried...since I can remember. Why did I write that dumb note? I started all of this, it's really turning out this way because of me. I just can't seem to tell myself I shouldn't.

I know I love her, my dear friend Lucius knows I love her also. I just can't bring myself to say that I love her. And so she leaves, hopinng to god that I'm just drunk. I have to tell her but I don't know how. I run out of the doors after her and I see her sitting on a bench a block away, breaking down in tears.

"Miss Granger!" I call.

I sadly receive no response so I try again.

"Hermione!" This time I do, indeed, receive a response. Her head snaps in my direction as I run toward her.

She stared at me with a horrified expression as I approached her. She began to cry again and back away.

"Leave me alone!" she screamed.

"Please...just let me explain." I beg as I walked closer. She backed into a tree and stared in horror as I blocked off her only escape.

"I won't leave you alone...because you mean **everything **to me." I whisper as I lean down to her.

I then see an evil glint in her eyes as she leans to my ear.

She then whispers, "You mean _nothing _to me and I _absolutely _do **not **love you."

The las think I see of her is the apologizing look on her face as she apparated away. I stare at the place she was at and tears weld in my eyes but they refuse to fall. Curse this body and my attraction to that little mudblood. I should have never loved again, this has already happen once! Bloody hell am I dumb.

So again, I stand here.

She's such a pesky girl and so tricky. She pisses me off so much and yet...I still love that little witch with all of my being.

I'd shout it to the world, "SEVERUS SNAPE, EX-DEATH EATER, IS HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH A MUDBLOOD NAMED HERMIONE GRANGER." Yes, I would, but that would be extremely weird.

I soon am home falling asleep as I write that girl a letter saying that she is wanted at the burrow; for a visit. I then make it in Ronald Weasley's hand writing and write another in Hermione's alerting them she will be coming.

'_Maybe I can corner her there._' I think to myself as I rub my temples and send the two letters.

**  
**

**Cheers,  
Carriah**

A/n: Okay I know, I'm really late! So much writers block on this one...lol. It's still here but it's fading away, I hope. Anyway, I'll try to update more often. Things are settling back down now!


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